


silence

by hxlfmoon



Series: yesterday's tears (they're still here) [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, it's literally just sungwoon grieving, major character death-freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 18:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12348393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxlfmoon/pseuds/hxlfmoon
Summary: sungwoon comes home and the house is quiet.all the lights are switched off. jihye is probably already in bed. sungwoon had purposely stayed at the studio late because he couldn’t bear the thought of facing her.after all, today’s the 15th of september. a date he doesn’t want to think about.





	silence

**Author's Note:**

> why can't my angst filled heart leave me alone.

sungwoon comes home and the house is quiet.

all the lights are switched off. jihye is probably already in bed. sungwoon had purposely stayed at the studio late because he couldn’t bear the thought of facing her.

after all, today’s the 15th of september. a date he doesn’t want to think about.

he slips his shoes off, placing them on the shoe rack in the entryway before heading into the kitchen. a space that he only really uses for the fridge and microwave. the numerous pots are mostly left to gather dust in the cabinet these days. jihye is learning some things, but most of the time they’re really only used for ramen and small dishes. it’s only when minhyun comes over that they get some use, but even that isn’t often, since minhyun can’t visit him all the time, and sungwoon understands that.

“i wonder if you eat well on those days where i don’t come over,” minhyun had said the last time he visited, right hand occupied with stirring the stew he was making. “i’ve noticed that you’ve lost weight,” he continued, turning to face sungwoon. sungwoon who had been scrolling through his twitter timeline, paused, his thumb hovering over his phone screen. “have i?” he asked, to which minhyun nodded. “you have. nothing gets past me, hyung.”

sungwoon looked down at himself. He supposed his jeans have been a bit loose on him lately, his shirts not as fitting as they used to be. “hyung,” sungwoon looked up to see minhyun staring at him with concern. “i worry about you, you know,” minhyun said softly, “ever since that day, you haven’t been yourself.”

sungwoon felt his heart ache, since he hated making his friends worry. “i’m fine, minhyun,” he smiled weakly, trying to reassure the younger. “don’t worry so much.”

that’s what he said then, but here he is now, feeling less than fine. he can’t help but smile bitterly. moving on really is hard.

as he searches the fridge for something to eat before going to bed (or not, considering what today is), he notices something. there’s a pot tucked away in the fridge. sungwoon’s breath gets caught in his throat, because it’s the pot that jisung always used to cook. it’s his favourite, since his grandmother gave it to him. seeing it again after having it stored in the cabinet for so long makes sungwoon’s heart ache. so goddamn much.

he takes it out, opening the lid. it’s tofu stew, nothing too difficult to make. there’s a note on top of it.

_hey dad, i tried making this for you today. i’m not sure how it’ll taste, but you can tell me that in the morning. eat this and get some sleep, ok? you haven’t been eating well lately. please take better care of yourself._

sungwoon can’t help but remember the reason why he can’t look at jihye sometimes. she was starting to become a lot like jisung, and everytime he looked at her, he’d only see the echo of his husband.

he gets a bowl and spoon from the dishwasher, and takes a seat. it isn’t that much of a meal, but sungwoon can’t really bring himself to care. he scoops some of the stew into his bowl, and takes a bite.

it tastes so much like jisung’s that sungwoon can’t help the tears that start to prick at his eyes. he takes another bite, and another. the dam finally breaks as the familiar taste fills sungwoon’s mouth, and he lets the tears flow. he doesn’t admit this out loud, but he’s _missed_ jisung’s cooking.

he knows this isn’t jisung’s cooking, it’s jihye’s. but it tastes so much like jisung’s that sungwoon can’t help but fool himself into believing that it is. his spoon trembles in his hand, because his hand is trembling so much.

he nearly chokes, the tears making his throat close up.

truthfully, he’d lost his appetite on the first bite, but jihye made this for him. and sungwoon knows better than to let his daughter’s effort go to waste.

in the quiet of the night, sungwoon thinks about jisung’s death eleven years ago. it’s been eleven years since jisung left him. sungwoon wonders how he managed to live this long without him. without jisung’s warm hugs and bright smiles. without the soft kisses he loved to shower sungwoon with.

sungwoon looks down at the gold band on his finger, and more tears well up in his eyes.

“i miss you jisung,” he whispers, “more than words can ever say.”

it isn’t easy, but sungwoon ends up finishing all of the stew. this familiar taste is all he has left.

-

“so how was it, dad?” jihye asks when they’re having breakfast the next morning. she’s fiddling with her thumbs nervously on the table, and sungwoon chuckles.

“it was delicious,” he says, reaching out to gently ruffle her hair. “thanks for making it, sweetheart.”

jihye beams then, and sungwoon smiles.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe my first work in this fandom is angst. i never change do i.
> 
> also, this was very much inspired by one of the chapters in xiajin's colorless. please give it a read if you haven't already, it's heartbreaking but a very good fic.


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